Live and Learn

            “Okay, who is on my roof with a jackhammer? Or maybe spraying my house with a machine gun?”                   That’s what I wondered recently when an afternoon nap was interrupted by a loud, fast and persistent rat-a-tat noise coming from my roof.             Rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat, pause. Rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat, rat-a-tat, pause.             After about… Continue reading Are You a Gutterpecker?

    It’s nearly hot enough outside to roast marshmallows without a fire, but I, nevertheless,  recently found myself thinking of the holiday movie, “A Christmas Story.”     For those of you not familiar with this classic film, “A Christmas Story” is about a boy named Ralphie and his hilarious, obsessive quest to get a Red… Continue reading God Won’t Shove Us Down the Slide

Dear Weather Channel, I do not live in El Segundo, California. Not even close. Probably won’t even visit. So, please stop showing me local weather forecasts for El Segundo. I’m sure many wonderful people live there, but I’m not one of them.Thank you,A Weather Junkie     Yes, I’m ever so slightly irritated right now because… Continue reading You Gotta Know Where You Live

             “Why are you just standing here? Go out and play,” the harried mother said to one of her daughters, who seemed glued to a spot in the middle of the kitchen.             “You told me to stand here,” the little girl sheepishly replied.             “Oh,” the mother said, not wanting to appear as clueless… Continue reading Even the Best Moms Aren’t Perfect

           Okay, raise your hand if you’ve ever come out of Walmart and forgotten where your car is parked.             C’mon, raise ’em high. I’ve seen you. In fact, I’ve been you.             What is it about that parking lot? No matter how hard I try to remember where my car is, I come out… Continue reading Doing the Walmart Waltz

            While rooting around in our kitchen pantry recently, I accidentally knocked an aerosol can of non-stick spray stuff onto the floor. The lid and nozzle broke off the can and a geyser of slimy goo spewed out, covering my face and everything else within range of that twirling, demon-possessed can.             My husband witnessed… Continue reading God Warns us BEFORE it’s Too Late

            Somebody call the word police. There’s a serial killer on the loose.     The culprit? The people who publish instruction booklets for electronic devices made overseas.             Here are just a few true examples:             From the instructions for a pedometer my mother received: “Thank you for selecting pedometer. It is an effective to improve… Continue reading Is My Life a Bad Translation?

            When my boys were little guys, my older son convinced us that he needed an iguana.             Personally, I don’t think “need” and “iguana” should ever appear in the same sentence, but Ryan had saved his money, so we relented. The iguana he picked out was small, which was good. Something so ugly should… Continue reading As Squirmy as a Lizard on a Leash

Okay, so we didn’t dodge every winter weather bullet this year. But our big snow a few weeks ago hardly felt like a bullet at all. At my house, the snow was more beautiful than bothersome. It blew in, made all things bright and beautiful, and was pretty much gone without a trace a mere… Continue reading It’s Always “Them”

We’ve dodged a few weather bullets this winter, haven’t we? The forecast has been dicey a few times, but the serious ice and snow barreled north and left us with lots of rain and only a little sleet and ice. My condolences to all the snow-lovers out there, but those of us who love creature… Continue reading Keeping the Lights On