You know you might be getting old when you hear yourself repeatedly telling your spouse that he or she absolutely cannot die before you do because you don’t know how to operate half the stuff you own.
Everyone who knows me knows I’m very excited about heaven. So excited, in fact, I tend to freak people out a little bit when I start talking about it. But that doesn’t mean I’m in a big hurry to get there anytime soon.
I do hope, though, that when God was planning the days He had ordained for me, as Psalm 139 indicates, He realized that the more high-tech things my husband buys, the more essential it becomes for me to check out of this world before he does.
I can certainly change light bulbs and operate our appliances, but most things of a technical, mechanical or financial nature just aren’t in my wheelhouse, to put it mildly. Fortunately, they are in my husband’s and our symbiotic relationship has thrived these 45 years.
For example, after sitting down to do a final edit of this very column, my computer wouldn’t start, so what did I do? I handed it to Joe, which is what I always do. And what did he do? He fixed it, which is what he always does.
If I “shuffle off this mortal coil” first, Joe might not eat very well or be on time to most places, but I believe he could handle everything else. But if he goes first, my goose is well and truly cooked.
We have a barn full of tools, equipment and implements that baffle me. Even the things I know how to operate send me into a tizzy if they stop working right. And due to my strong aversion to all things mathematical, I am woefully bad at understanding the intricacies of budgets, banking, and investments (except for that one time I bought some Apple stock … cha-ching).
I remember writing a column many years ago about how Joe was buying electronic devices to “enhance” our lives that were requiring me to learn things I didn’t want to learn. Well, those devices seem like kiddy toys compared to the things we have around here now.
As long as everything keeps running as it should, life is good, but far too many of my conversations with my husband begin with “Hey Joe, how come this thing isn’t working?”
Our security system, wireless internet, online banking, “smart” TV, and my computer, iPad, iPhone, website and podcasting equipment —so many high-tech things with the potential to confound and paralyze me when they malfunction.
Joe even controls our water heater with his phone. Our clothes dryer messages him when the cycle is finished and water sensors placed around the house text him if something springs a leak. Even our chicken house is high-tech, with a door that automatically opens each morning and closes at dusk so the birds can frolic outside all day.
Get the picture?
I do have very tech-savvy sons, but I don’t want to be the helpless mama who bugs her busy boys all the time.
Here’s what I do know: it’s pointless to worry about what I’d do if I had to suddenly be responsible to operate and maintain all our stuff. That’s called “borrowing trouble” and Jesus spoke clearly about that in Matthew 6:34 when He said, “So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”
We’re promised grace to handle what actually happens, not to worry about what might happen. I must believe if God brings me to it, He’ll bring me through it.
(But Lord, I definitely want to go first.)