What readers of this column get, for better or worse, is a glimpse of what is currently going on in my life, heart and mind—three places which can be a bit scary.
That you endure and indulge me is both a mystery and a blessing.
Today, I’d like to write about a momentous milestone my husband and I are about to reach. (And no, we haven’t been married 50 years yet. Nice guess.)
Lord willin’ and the creeks don’t rise, as they say, in just one week we will actually move onto some farmland we bought two years ago. Looks like the final pieces of this complicated puzzle are about to slip into place, and we are very excited about that.
Excited and thankful. Very thankful. Sure, there have been a few little headaches and hassles along the way, but as I’ve written before, I truly do understand how wrong it is to complain about the house-building process. Turning a blessing into a problem surely must irritate the One who is the “giver of all good gifts.” (James 1:17)
Remember how ticked God was at the Israelites when He miraculously delivered them from the Egyptians and they immediately commenced their whine-a-thon in the wilderness?
So, yes, I am grateful for this farm and this house, right down to my bones. But I find I’m also experiencing another emotion, something I can only describe as “blessing guilt.”
Blessings and burdens are often simply beyond figuring out for me. I don’t understand why God is allowing us to enjoy this wonderful farm adventure, while others will never have this opportunity.
On the other hand, I don’t understand why God has allowed me to undergo 15 surgeries and endure many seasons of significant pain, while others have bodies that chug along flawlessly.
“” the Bible says (Romans 11:33).
Indeed.
Feeling too guilty to enjoy God’s blessings or railing at Him because of tough circumstances both seem like ditches on either side of the path of truth. Veer off into either one and we’re likely to misunderstand the heart of God.
I recently had an “aha” moment while driving to an appointment in Greenville—an appointment I was dreading because I anticipated receiving bad news about my prognosis after some surgery. I assumed God would again say “no” to my prayers for relief from pain.
Suddenly, right there in the middle of the construction craziness on I-385, a crystal clear thought cut through all my dreadful thoughts. Call me a whacko if you want, but yeah, okay, I do believe the thought came from God.
“Even if I say ‘no’ to your prayers for healing this time,” He said, “think of all your prayers I’ve already answered today.”
So, I did. I started thinking about all the “yeses” I’d already received that day, answers to prayers for protection, provision, and direction. I was overwhelmed.
I was reminded that like any good parent, God loves to say “yes” to His kids every single time He can. He only says “no” when He has to, when it serves His higher, good, and loving purposes.
So, doggone it, I’m going to enjoy our farm blessing. I’m going to embrace it as the “yes” it is. And even if I walk around our farm with a painful limp the rest of my days, I’m going to choose to trust God’s heart toward me.
Here’s the truth: God is good, God loves us perfectly, and He knows what He’s doing.
“Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you, and therefore He waits on high to have compassion on you.”– Isaiah 30:18a