By the time you read this, Christmas will have come and gone, but as I write, it’s a week before the big day and my husband appears to be experiencing some angst.
We agreed not to get each other any gifts this year and our pact seems to be making Joe nervous.
I think he suspects there might be something I really want but am not revealing.
I’m also pretty sure he’s afraid that if he doesn’t figure it out and get it under the tree for me, he’ll look like a slacker.
But I really don’t want anything … or at least not anything that can be ordered on amazon.com or wrapped up in pretty paper.
This is kind of strange because I usually have wants and opinions aplenty. (Pause to appreciate that immense understatement.)
So what’s going on this year? Have I suddenly spiritually evolved beyond material desires? (Pause to guffaw.)
Uh, no, that’s definitely not it.
The truth is, my real itches lie beyond the reach of any human scratching this year.
Well, okay, I did halfheartedly toss out one gift hint—a new phone, since mine did a half-gainer into the toilet recently.
But the things I really want are things like …
… an end to the “surgery parade” in my life. No more calculating “pain points” as I plan my days.
… having everyone I love living within easy hugging distance. No more pieces of my heart scattered from one coast to the other.
… the obliteration of everything that is evil, twisted, dark, painful, sad and oppressive on this earth, once and for all. One day, Jesus is going to come back and make all things right, and every day, I find myself longing for that day a little more.
So, there’s my list. Glad you don’t have to shop for me?
But here’s the thing: even though Joe obviously can’t get any of those things for me, I do believe that if he could, he would.
And that’s a pretty incredible gift in itself—my to-the-marrow confidence that my spouse of 36 years would absolutely try to rope the moon and wrap it up for me if he could.
I see it in his eyes, and yes, that’s quite a gift.
I want to trust God that same way.
I want to trust that His desire is to give me every good thing that He possibly can within the all-wise, all-loving bounds of His will, to believe He only says “no” when “no” is better.
God will one day delight in revealing to those who love Him the full length, width and depth of His lavish love for us.
In the meantime, we see God “through a glass, darkly,” as the Apostle Paul said, and if I’m honest, what I sometimes see through that dark glass is a God whose ways are beyond my understanding.
I ask for this and He gives that, and the gap between “this” and “that” must be filled with a faith that believes about God what I believe about my husband—that he is generous, kind and loving.
If there’s a gap between my desires and my reality, it must be filled with a faith that refuses to foolishly pass judgment on the sovereign God who could change difficult circumstances, but sometimes doesn’t.
And it must be filled with a faith that believes not what others say about God, but what He says about Himself: “The Lord is righteous in all His ways and kind in all His deeds. The Lord is near to all who call upon Him, to all who call upon Him in truth. He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him …” – Psalm 145:17-19a.