When I find myself traveling around and around the same frustrating mountain in my life, it’s usually because I didn’t stop and honestly ask God for directions.
I’m thinking about that this morning as I again deal with the stressful fallout of procrastination.
Several months ago, I wrote about how a post-surgical “brain fog” was making it hard for me to string together enough coherent thoughts to meet a column-writing deadline. I was seriously wishing then that I’d put some extra columns in the “bank” to draw upon during that recovery time.
Well, here I am again. Not recovering from surgery, thankfully, but from a happier life event: vacation.
Oh yeah, I know. Vacations are supposed to revitalize, invigorate, and recharge us. So, why do I feel this morning, after seven days at the beach, like half my mind quietly washed out with the tide?
This wasn’t even a stressful vacation, not at all like those trips we used to take to give our children warm and wonderful, lifelong memories. Like the time we took our sons to Disney World in June, as did, it seemed, half the earth’s population. Don’t even get me started on that one.
Last week wasn’t even remotely like a trip to the Manic … I mean, Magic … Kingdom.
We were with dear friends and family in a beautiful beachfront home with the best oceanside porch I’ve ever parked my haunches upon. I can’t even count the number of times during the week that my 3-year-old granddaughter gifted me with a spontaneous hug, looked me square in the eye and said, “I love you, Gram.”
Are you kidding me? It doesn’t get any better than that.
So, this morning I should be turbocharged to produce quite an inspiring column, right? I should have more volts flowing through my brain than I know what to do with.
But, I don’t, and I’ve been wrestling with that stressful reality all morning. Wrestling and praying. (Especially the latter.)
I think the lesson I’m relearning is twofold: 1.procrastination creates intense stress that is much more uncomfortable than the discipline required to get tasks done early and well; and 2. when I’ve dug myself into a hole, the first step up and out requires honesty with God and with others.
God has heard plenty from me this morning about how honestly sorry I am for getting myself into this writing predicament.
Now, I need to be honest with you. Know why I waited until the last minute to write this column? Because I just haven’t wanted to work on it for the past two weeks. Sorry, but I just didn’t want to do it.
I was busy packing and planning. Then I was lured away from my laptop at the beach by engaging people and beautiful scenery. No worries, I thought. I’ll be refreshed and sharp as a tack come Monday morning when we get back home. I thought the words would just roll right off my keyboard.
That isn’t happening. Every writing path I’ve ventured down this morning has been a dead end, except this one—this honest one that has me confessing what a slacker I can sometimes be.
But, lo and behold, somehow this hard lap around Mt. Procrastination has yielded a column. God has once again helped me up and over this mountain.
It’s much, much better to be diligent, but it’s amazing that sometimes even when we’re not, God’s mercy and grace still cover and carry us when we humbly, honestly and desperately cry out to Him.
“Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” –Hebrews 4:16