I just finished taking another trip with Talky Tina and I need to vent my angst.
Talky Tina is the GPS (global positioning system) “broad in a box” who tells my husband how to get where he’s going, an exalted position that used to be mine alone. It would seem my days as chief navigator are over. Alas, I have been replaced by a bunch of wires and computer chips.
I’m having a hard time embracing Talky Tina. My husband, on the other hand, has become so dependent on this direction-giving gizmo that I fear the day is approaching when he won’t be able to find his way out of our walk-in closet without her.
She has practically become a member of the family.
“Is Talky Tina coming with us today?… did you tell Tina where we’re going?…should we bring Tina in so that no one will steal her?”
I’ve tried to accept her, as you might a pet that was foisted upon you and is now loved by everyone else in the family, but Tina’s personality is hard to warm up to. She’s so darn bossy. I feel like I’m riding with Hitler.
I’ve written about Talky Tina before, but she was then named Cat Dealy, after the amiable Australian host of T.V.’s “So You Think You Can Dance” program. We chose an Australian accent for our GPS system, thinking that would somehow make her incessant yapping less annoying. It didn’t.
So the GPS system formerly known as Cat Dealy is now “Talky Tina,” aptly named after an especially disturbing character in an old “Twilight Zone” episode we watched while visiting relatives. (After all, nothing says “family time” quite like gathering around to watch “Twilight Zone” together.)
Talky Tina was a doll who was much loved by a sweet little girl, who only ever heard the doll say, “My name is Talky Tina and I love you very much.” But when the girl’s mean stepfather was alone with the doll, Talky Tina’s dark side emerged as she uttered increasingly disturbing threats.
“My name is Talky Tina and I don’t think I like you … I think I hate you…I’m going to kill you.” It was enough to make you want to pack up your Barbies and haul them to the landfill, that’s for sure.
On the way home from that family gathering, the GPS system (formerly known as Cat Dealy) began relentlessly demanding that we follow her preferred route. My husband and I simultaneously decided, “We need to rename this thing Talky Tina.” And so we did.
Tina hasn’t actually told us she doesn’t like us or threatened to do us in … yet. But when my husband programs a destination into Talky Tina, woe be unto us if we veer off course. If we try to even sneak off the interstate, Tina becomes highly agitated.
“Recalculate… recalculate … make a u-turn in 50 yards … make a u-turn … MAKE A U-TURN!” she commands.
“We’re NOT making a u-turn, Tina. I’ve gotta go to the bathroom so just CHILL!” I find myself screaming at this box on our dashboard.
The bottom line is that nobody likes to be nagged, bullied or threatened.
I’m thankful that God doesn’t try to “steer” us that way. He simply presents straight-up truth and lets us choose whether to follow His loving directions or foolishly go our own ways.
But unlike the very fallible, irritating Talky Tina, when God whispers, “recalculate,” we’d be mighty wise to heed His directions.