Have you ever had the adrenalin-charged, heart-pounding feeling that someone was chasing you? It seems I spent a significant chunk of my childhood feeling that way.
I was quite a tomboy and until I learned in about the third grade that playing football was not cool for girls, I was usually one of the top picks for neighborhood football games. During those clashes, held in the biggest yards owned by the most gracious neighbors, I was often assigned to be a running back. Sometimes I would bust loose and head towards the goal line, with my little buddies in hot pursuit. I could sense them nipping at my heels, and since we played tackle football (no sissy stuff for us!), I was highly motivated to stay a step or two ahead. I’ll never forget the sensation of running as if my life depended on it.
I grew up in a Midwestern, “Leave it to Beaver” type of neighborhood and on long, summer evenings, all the kids rode bikes and gathered to play. My instructions were always to “be home before dark,” but that left plenty of room for subjective interpretation. When exactly is it actually and thoroughly dark?
Too often, I pushed the dark envelope a bit too far. I was just having too much fun to go home. One such night, I finally realized that I was going to be in real trouble if I didn’t hop on my bike and pedal home like a bat out of you-know-where. So I mounted my trusty Schwinn and took off to ride the three blocks home. No doubt about it – it was definitely dark by then, even by a 10-year-old’s standards.
As I zipped through the neighborhood in the dark, I must have had my mouth open, because a moth suddenly flew in. As a reflex, I chomped down. Makes me queasy now just to remember it. The awful sensation of chewing a bug was made worse by the fact that I was scared in the dark and pedaling like hordes of ravenous cannibals were after me. I dared not stop to reflect on the disgusting intruder in my mouth — all I could do was spit it out and keep riding.
We lived in a two-story house and as a wee youngster, I remember that when it was bedtime and I started up the stairway, again I often felt like someone or something was right behind me. I surged into hyperspeed, mounting those stairs two at a time with my pudgy little legs. As I rushed into my room and dove into my bed, I felt fortunate that once again I had escaped the clutches of the invisible bogey man.
At age 19, I again felt I was being chased, but this was different. It was a progressive, disturbing awareness that my life seemed somehow empty and that Someone was calling me to change. My priorities were being exposed as shallow and meaningless, my faith was misplaced, and my diversions were destructive. I couldn’t shake this “Presence” who seemed to be so doggedly pursuing me at every turn, giving me a desire to take a radical new path.
I finally had the nerve to stop and ask a dear friend, “What is this? Who is this? What is going on here?” She told me what I already suspected: It was Jesus. And I let Him catch me. “Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life…,” David wrote in Psalm 23. Believe me — goodness and mercy feel a lot better than fear, guilt, shame, anxiety and the other invisible bogey men that used to dog me. It’s a welcome change.
How about you? Do you ever have that feeling that something or someone is following you? It just might be true. You see, you are the grand prize in an eternal struggle begun way back in the Garden of Eden at the beginning of time.
Eventually, someone is going to catch you. You get to decide who that will be.
My suggestion? Let it be Jesus.